Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

I'm Not Fat

 I'm not FAT!
That's just my awesomeness
Swelling up inside of me.

I love these words.  What a wonderful way to look at myself.  My whole life I have struggled with my weight.  I was anorexic in High School and ate once every three days.  I keep my weight right at 100 lbs.  It wasn't hard.  I became so used to it that I never was hungry.  Time passed and I started having children.  My weight went up and down and back and forth.  Sometimes I was thin, and sometimes I wasn't.  I really wanted to stay thin.  It seemed as if my entire family was thin except me.   As I got older, the weight became even harder to keep off.  I weighed well over 200 lbs and let me tell you, I did not feel very awesome.
In all of this, I have had to learn to like myself in spite of my body type.  I have had to learn that my body is a wonderful gift.  It is not always the same shape or size, but it is mine.  I can walk, I can run, I can do things to make others happy.  I can choose to be filled with misery or awesomeness.  It really is up to me.
Today, I have lost over 60 lbs.  I still have 30 more to go to get to my goal, but I am working on it.  One moment, one day, one week and one year at a time.  I have learned that what I weigh isn't near as important as how I see myself.  I have had to learn to look at myself with just a little more forgiveness and understanding.  I have had to learn that the person I want to be is not determined by weight.  Rather, the person that I am is working on those traits and characteristics that make me more like my Heavenly Father.
I am learning how to be awesome.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

To My Cousin - You are always loved

I revised this to more fit my cousin's life.  It is similar to one I wrote previously for someone else.   I grew up with Sherri Lou.  I idolized her as a child.  I was there to see her first baby when she was only two weeks old.  I thought she had everything.  It was not until much later in our lives that I realized how much my perceptions were wrong.  I love her family.  They are always in my heart and they are amazing.  We loved you so much Sherri Lou, and I know that we will see you again.

By Patricia A. Pitterle

Now you come together
All those who loved her best,
To share her stories and her life
Before she is laid to rest.

You mourn her missing presence
Vanished from this earth.
You miss her at your gatherings,
You miss her sense of mirth.

She loved her friends and family,
She held them all quite dear.
She shared her life and stories
With all those who would hear.

Though her body is not with us now,
Her spirit lingers near.
She wants to comfort those she loves
To wipe away their tears.

To let them know that peace is hers.
She is gathered now in love.
She is seeing those who’ve gone before. 
She is welcomed up above.

Though your hearts are sorrowed
And your souls cry out in grief,
Remember, she is not too far
She only rests in sleep.

This life is swift in passing,
You never know the day,
You only have these moments
Of love to show the way.

No one can take your memories
Her love is yours to keep.
You will see her in another place
You once again shall meet.

Families can be forever
You know that this is true
And though your hearts are longing now
This too, you’ll make it through.

This is all part of God’s great plan,
Earth-life is not the end.
She is as close as all your memories,
You will see her once again.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Our Actions Speak Louder

Actions speak louder than words. 
We can apologize over and over,
But if our actions don't change,
The words become meaningless.

One to the things that I try most to teach my children is that sorry, isn't always good enough.  Sometimes, it is too easy to say "I'm sorry".  It comes too quickly to our lips.  It is as if the words can heal all by themselves.  Now, I don't want anyone to think that they should never say "sorry".  The difference is that we need to mean it.  We need it to matter enough that we will do whatever we can to show that it matters.  We have to act upon the "I'm sorry", we can't just let it go.
Words have a lot of power.  However, by themselves, a word is just a word.  It is when they are stung together in a story that lets us know what they really mean.   It is when our actions show our love that our words really start to matter.   

Friday, April 11, 2014

Five Minute Friday - Paint

Oh, I love Friday.  It is the day a whole bunch of friends come together to write, without worrying thats it's just right or not.  We spend a few moments together in a safe place. One prompt, just 5 minutes, a community of nearly 300 writers. All the details are over at Lisa Jo's Place.  Don't forget to go visit her blog and post your link for your very own five minutes.  And don't forget to visit the writer that linked before you.  
And today the writing prompt is PAINT.


When I was young, I did not believe that I could do anything artistic.  I did not know how for one thing, and I did not have the time for another.  It was a dream that I never thought I would see fulfilled.   My Grandmother used to tell me that she did not start painting until she was in her 50's and my time would come as well.  All I needed to do was be patient.
When the time came that she was too ill to paint any longer, she gave me all her painting supplies.  Motivation for me to live my dream sooner rather than later.  I took a few lessons, and started painting on my own.  The picture at the top is one of the ones that I painted and that I love the most. Painting is not easy.  As a matter of fact, it took hours and hours to do.  There are a lot of steps for a painting for me.  First, I have to have an idea of what I want.  Then I take a picture.  Then I sketch the picture on the canvas.  Then I start painting.  The only medium that I have used really well, is oils.  They take months to dry.  I add texture to the painting by painting over any mistakes I might make.  The additional paint give the picture character.  I love the brush strokes that are visible in the oils.
Most of all, I love how painting helps me to feel closer to my Grandmother now that she is gone.  The smells remind me of my visits with her and the painting is soothing to my heart.
Life is not easy either.  We do things step by step.  Sometimes we learn from others, and sometimes we have to figure it out on our own.  Just as I have spent hours pouring over painting books, in life, we pour over the scriptures, trying to find our way back home.
The amazing thing is that God does not give up on us.  No matter how long we take, or how much we doubt.  No matter what we do not know, or what mistakes we might make, He is with us.  He guides our hands and our hearts until we become the masterpiece.  All of our mistakes are covered over in His blood.  He makes us in His grace.  He adds texture to us through our experiences, and through our desire to do better.  He soothes our hearts with His hands.
I love how His handiwork is visible in the canvas of life that I am living.   I am both painted and engraved in the hands of His love.


Now it is your turn.  What masterpiece can you create in just five minutes?  Don't forget to go over to Lisa Jo's and link up with the rest of us.  

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Killing A Dream

It only takes one negative thought 
to kill a dream;
Remember that next time.

We have all had unfulfilled dreams in our lives.  We have all had wounds that refused to heal.  A few years ago, my daughter was in a dance class.  She was not built for dancing, but she loved it.  She really wanted to do it.  Dancing was a sport that she liked to participate in.  She was so excited to go every single week.  Then one week, the girls were in a particularly negative mood and told her that she was too fat to dance.  
That was the end of her dream.  Nothing I said could change her mind.  As far as she was concerned, if her "friends" told her that she was too fat to dance, than she was just too fat.  She refused to sign up for dance ever again.  She refused to go.  She refused to even try.
It has been a long road for us with her damaged self esteem.  She has tried other sports now, mind you, she doesn't like those ones either, but she tries.  She has lost a lot of weight and can pretty much do anything she wants to these days, but in her eyes, she still sees the child that is "too fat to dance".
I think that we can so easily be guilty of killing someones dreams.  Whether it is in a name we call them, or just our unbelief, we can take away their enthusiasm for that dream.  We can change them inside into someone else that we never wanted them to be.  
We can take someone who has just not grown into her body yet and make her someone who will not dance.  Someone who stands on the scale several times a day.  Someone who worries constantly about what she eats and how much she eats and how healthy it is.  
We can take away a smile and a dream.  Such a lot of power to wound is in our hands.  Please, please, please, don't let it be in our hearts.  

Monday, April 7, 2014

The Best People

Don't let the worst people get the best of you.
Save it for the best people instead.  
 I have learned that it is so easy to react to people.  They behave badly, and then so do I.  If I don't behave badly to them, it is easy to come home and take it out on others.  It is hard to leave work, well, at work.  I have wondered why it is so easy to give others my best.  To treat customers with respect and gratitude, to treat others in church with kindness, to act happy even when I am not.  But it is so much harder to treat my own family with my very best.  
It is easy to snap at them and expect them to forgive me.  It is easy to snarl when I want to cry.  It is hard to give them the best that I give to others.  So, this week, I am working on giving my best to those who love me most.  I am trying to be kind even if my day has been hard and I am tired and crabby.  I am going to choose to save my best for those I love.  Because, after all, they are the ones who deserve it.  
I can find so many examples of kindness and love in the Scriptures.  One of my favorites is Ruth, who left all she knew to go with her mother-in-law to a strange land.  I love that she told Naomi, 
And Ruth said, Entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
Ruth 1:16
I love the language of love that Ruth spoke.  I want to remember this in my day to day life.  Ruth lost her husband and everything she knew, yet she went with a cheerful heart and learned a new way of life.  Maybe, part of being my best self is to have a cheerful and loving heart. 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

I am a Writer

"What doesn't kill us, 
gives us something new to write about."  
Julie Wright

Today, I am joining Lisa Jo over at her blog to write for my own five minutes.  We call this "Five Minute Friday".  The rules are simple
  • Write for five minutes without worrying where it is just right or not
  • Link up over at Lisa Jo's Place
  • Leave a comment for at least one of the others who posted before you. 
Short sweet and simple.  So, join us today for your own version of the prompt......



I started writing so many years ago, poems about hurt and heartache, about laughter and sadness,about sunshine and rain.  I kept writing  through the years of hopes and dreams and trials.  I put my heart and soul and testimony into my words.  I found God in the struggle to write.  I found the gift of putting dreams into thoughts and into words.  And in those words I often found my heart turning toward Him.
Sometimes, I would write a lot.  The words poured out of my soul faster than I could write them down.  It became a nearly aching need of healing to write everything as I struggled and learned and grew.  I found comfort in the pages of my journal each night.  The words in ink pouring onto the pages as memories.  Messages to generations further down the line.  My fingers aching with the writing, all in my own hand, sometimes many pages at a time. 
Today, the computer beckons me each day, and calls my name with guilt or love, or shame or acceptance.  It all depends on how much I ignore my dream and desire to write.  Sometimes, I need to wait to speak those words.  I have to heal in other ways.  But then, I return to my computer and write my heart upon the pages of my blog.  Here I have found a place to write my words.  A place to share my heart, my soul, my love and my dreams.  Here I become a writer.


Now it is your turn.  What can you write in your own five minutes?  Don't forget to join the rest of us over at Lisa Jo's.